It’s Never Too Early To Plan Your Funeral

Arlington National Cemetery

My wife posted a blog last week about what she wanted when she passed as far as cremation, song’s played, funeral, etc.  It got me to thinking I should do the same thing.  I’ve talked about it numerous times but never really laid it all down in writing.  It’s taken me a long time to redo my will since my divorce but I finally got it done except a few minor details.  Once that is done mine and her wills will be ready to send to the attorneys to be processed.  No matter how young you are I highly encourage you to get a will done, especially if you are married or have children.

After reading her blog I realized we wanted a lot of the same things with a few variations of course, even one of the songs she has that she wants played I want played too.  Now despite having a huge family on both my mother and father’s side of the family I doubt there will be a lot of people there to see me after I am gone.  About 98% of them all have pretty much written me off.  I don’t fit into their mold, despite being a 20 year Air Force veteran and working for the government as a civilian, apparently, I cuss too much, I talk about sex too much, I joke about sex too much, I post pictures with my wife’s approval of half naked women too much (or used too, that’s a different story, nothing to do with my wife disapproving or anything), I don’t go to church, and the list goes on. Hell about 3 years ago one of my sisters blocked me on facebook, quit taking my calls, and won’t see me when I visit Florida and to this day I have no idea why.  If she doesn’t want anything to do with me while I’m alive, I doubt very seriously she will want to see me when I’m dead so I doubt she will be there either.

First, I want the gathering posted on my facebook page so it gets to everyone who may want to be there.

Second, I want it to be a party, and I mean a real party.  One with food, beer and liquor, people getting loaded, having sex on the couch (if they choose), total debauchery, and I don’t want it to stop till the last person leaves.  Start it a 7pm Friday and leave it open to last till Sunday.  People can crash on the couch, floor, spare room, wherever, I don’t care.  Keep the party going.  BYO Alcohol to keep the party lasting if you want.  Also, I don’t want to be laying in no coffin either.  Sit me in a comfortable chair beside my coffin looking out at the room, dressed in nice suit that fits me perfect, put a glass of crown and coke in my hand, and leave the coffin open for people to put what they want in it to be buried with me, as they come up to talk and take their last picture with me.

Third,  I want it to start with people coming up to talk and getting that out of the way first.  If anyone wants to say anything they can but I don’t want anything that will make people cry, I want it to be happy or funny memories or memories they know I would have thought were happy or funny even if they don’t think they were themselves no matter how crazy the memory was.

Fourth, there are a few songs I want played when people are done talking as the party starts. After they are done, then go through and play from my CDs.  No country.  Yes I like country, yes I own country, yes I even have a country song on my list but no country.  My wife knows what I listen to the most.  Below is the list and the order I want them played in.

1.  Metallica – Fade To Black

2.  Metallica – I Disappear

3.  Motley Crue – Home Sweet Home

4.  George Jones – He Stopped Loving Her Today (I feel like I should explain this one.  I know this is about a man who’s wife left him and he loved her until he died and when he died he stopped loving her.  The reason I picked this one is not the wife leaving part but 1) I love this song 2) I love my wife and I will never stop loving her as long as I am alive.  The day I die will be the day I essentially stop loving her)

Fifth, I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery.  As an Air Force Veteran I am afforded the opportunity to do so.  I know most likely none of my family will ever be able to visit me but I don’t want them to remember me like that anyway and I will be buried by my brothers and sisters in arms.  To finally be at peace with the men and women that plague my nightmares while I am alive, memories of things I have told no one and won’t tell anyone, of those things I have seen while in the military, be it peace time or war.  My wife knows only a little, my parents, children, siblings, and other family members know absolutely nothing of and I have no intention of ever telling them either (at least not at this time anyway).  As far as they know life was uneventful for those 20 years and I will let them continue to think that.

Sixth, as stated earlier I have a will and my will states who gets what.  I tried to be as fair and reasonable as possible, giving to those what I thought they would want the most.

That is it, that is what I want, there is nothing in this that is a joke so don’t take it that way.  I want it done as I ask to the best possible means as can be done.


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