Being a celebrity is great at times. The fame, the fortune, the drugs, the alcohol, the women, the fans, the fan mail with women’s panties in them, etc etc. But there are times that it can be hazardous too. Of course I’m no celebrity in real life, I just like to act like I am but if I were and I did get fan mail, below is how I think the fan mail would probably read.
My Dearest Robert,
I have been
watching a fan of yours since the very beginning. Your words seep deep down into my soul, they set my heart on fire. When I read your poems, I get so wet and horny. I normally end up masturbating right then every time. When I’m at work I can’t help but take care of myself while sitting at my desk just thinking of you and me together. When I read your stories, I can see myself actually there as one of the characters, and it makes it so much more exciting.
I own everything you have written, even your unpublished scribblings that you threw away in the trash. I always make it a point to check your trash after you take it out just to see if there is some new ideas you are working on, some draft of something that didn’t make the cut. I know one day these drafts will be worth millions but not near what having you
locked away next to me in our bedroom is worth. To show you just what you do to me I have enclosed a pair of my panties. I wore them all day and masturbated 3 times while wearing them. You can still smell me on them. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy your underwear I got out of your dirty clothes basket the other day when you were at work. BTW you really have a nice place. Your wife is beautiful. I think the 3 of us could have an awesome time together.
I simply must have you. I know your already married but there is no reason why we all can’t live together. I desperately need to be with you. To feel you, smell you, taste you. You will love me! Just give it time. We should meet, maybe this weekend at your place for drinks and dinner. We can talk about me moving in with you and your wife. I don’t mind sharing. As you can see there is a lot about me you will find you like. As I said you will learn to love me. You have to love me. You can’t turn me down. If I can’t have you, no one will be able to have you. So, please don’t make me take away your beautiful words from this world. The people need to read what you have to say.
With all my love,