It’s that time of the year that everyone starts making New Years Resolutions. Then within a month, 10 percent of those people end up breaking at least one if not all of their resolutions. Within 4 months, 40 percent of the remaining people have broken their resolutions and by month 9 another 30 percent have broken theirs. Only 20 percent of people who make New Years Resolutions actually keep them. Now you may be asking where I got my statistics from, well, I made those stats up, but it has been proven that people will become more involved in what they read if statistics are given. With that said, I believe that these statistics are pretty accurate.
Personally, I have never been one to make New Years Resolutions. I don’t for several reasons. First, I have a hard time with self motivation. I need someone to do things with me so they can be there to motivate me all the way. Second, I have a thing about peer pressure. I give into it almost every time. I always have. So if I said I wasn’t gong to have sex with Charlize Theron but then I happen to meet her and she invited me to her hotel and walked out of the bathroom naked and said she wanted me to fuck her so hard she couldn’t walk in the morning, well, there’s that peer pressure thing, my conscience would be saying no but my brain would be saying your going to look bad if you don’t and what people think of you is important, besides she might be able to get you a job. So I would most likely end up doing it. Then she would end up calling in sick the next day because she couldn’t walk, and I’d be going home feeling like crap because I had sex with Charlize Theron and didn’t invite my wife.
These are the things that go through my head and hence why I don’t do New Years Resolutions. Now, with that said, I had really got to thinking about it the past 2 days and thought maybe what if instead I just did a list of things I want to ensure happen or things I wanna do but if they don’t it’s no big deal because they weren’t resolutions so if it didn’t happen there was no resolution to break. So here is my, hmm I guess you would call it a bucket list of things I want to do in 2013.
- Find a job that pays more then the one I am currently in that I will be losing in 2 weeks. (I think this one is a no-brainer for the list)
- Walk my oldest daughter down the aisle in March at her wedding
- Get 4 new tires for my car
- Buy the Original series of Star Trek on DVD
- Buy the Star Wars Special Edition Box Set on Blu-Ray
- Go to my son’s graduation at the end of May
- Move out of the ghetto apartments and into a house in a nice neighborhood
- Have a 3-some with my wife and Charlize Theron
- Be a successful published writer
- Cure my depression and come off the meds
- Get a new tattoo
- Take a vacation to New York
- Go to a Steeler’s game
- Become a regular cast member on The Walking Dead
- Bring my wife out of retirement and get her to play Monopoly again
- Win a game of Trivial Pursuit against my wife
- Have a 3-some with my wife and a woman that we would actually have a real chance with and not some fantasy actress
- Ban condoms for the safer approach; The Pull-Out Method
- Lose weight and get back into shape
- Solve world thirst
- Take a ride on the new commercial ship to space
- Meet an alien from space
- Try every shot that doesn’t contain Tequila in my Big Bad-Ass Book of Shots
- Be on the cover of The Rolling Stone
- Survive the zombie apocalypse
So that is my list of things I would like to do this year but if I don’t it won’t be a big deal because they aren’t New Years Resolution and it’s okay to break them.