SHIT

It’s that time again for my next guest celebrity blogger.  Next up is Vagenda Vixen and like myself she is no holds barred when it comes to what she posts.  No topic is off limits as you will see with this post.  So read, enjoy, then check her blog out, I know you like it.

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***Hey beautiful Bloggers!***

So I have had my first Guest Blog ask from the lovely Rob over at

Seasons Of Insanity, a great blogger and like me he just speaks his

mind about anything and everything… Which I love and admire!

So my post for Rob will be about…

(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)

SHIT

Yes you read that correctly.

Just little me here discussing my weird ways…

I have covered many topics in the last 3 months,

But never shit…

So lets “Crack on!” shall we!

188869736

I know you were hoping for something

exciting but who knows maybe this will excite you,

or scare you all away forever! Time will tell… Ha-ha…

I am a very open-minded and sometimes blunt person.

I will talk about anything and pretty much say anything!

I rarely say things without thinking but some things I just

don’t see the point in accessing first in my head before I

open my mouth…

Be-stupid

I think the most outrageous thing I like to

discuss at times is what kind of shit I have had that day…

To close friends and family only of course, not to

complete strangers, I am not a total nut-job!

Even out of my closest friends and family,

I avoid talking about this to the “squeamers!”

It takes one to know one, I am a squeamer and

I know the squeamers when I see them!

large_Speak-Your-Mind

You can easily tell them apart from the iron tummies any day!

See just because I can say and talk about disgusting

Things doesn’t nessasarily mean I can deal with

every squeamish convo… I can’t, but I can deal with shit!

Shit happens and we cannot avoid it!

Every single person, every day

(or at least they should)

takes a shit, so why not discuss it?!

shit2

This always seems to be the one that gets people!

Well my male friends just tell me about theirs and appreciate

my open mind and knack to come out with these things at

the most inappropriate times and a few of

my like-minded female friends will share their

Shit Stories…

But the majority of people just get all

“Freaked Out” about it and you know what?!

I THINK IT’S A SHITTING OUTRAGE!

 shit3

Why?! Everyone takes a shit!

Plus I am a small lady and sometimes I find it

impressive and scary to see just how big a

poop my little bum-bum can produce…

I know I know… I am disgusting! J

What I don’t get…

Is how people will quite

happily discuss their Genital Warts

Or Chlamydia to their friends and that’s all cool?!

Determination

Or show there infected penis/clitoris piercing

to their friends… (I am actually fighting

back vomit as I type that!)

You must know what I am talking about…

Everyone has to take a shit…

Not everyone has Genital Warts or Chlamydia!

BUT NO!

Me discussing my shit is an outrage!

Complete joke…

The funniest thing about this is that

I have a mild OCD when it comes to cleanliness

and personal hygiene, most people who know me

actually say I am one of the cleanest people they have

ever met, until of course I open my mind and

the words start pouring out… J

Isn’t that strange? shit4mainpicattop

I can say the most disgusting things ever whilst

washing an obscene amount of times during the

day and always smelling of the most heavenly shower-gels,

perfumes and lotions and potions known to man

I am a bit weird I guess!

*BUT I LOVE BEING A BIT WEIRD!*

WEIRD IS GOOD!

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Weird is just fears word for unique…

Remember that!

When someone calls you weird or strange it

means you are doing well in life and are not

roaming around like every other

autopilot Robo-cop asshole!

Just because I am “pretty” and “intelligent” does NOT

mean I might not just want to talk about shit sometimes!

I am NOT just a pretty face…

As I am forever being told! 🙂

I enjoy being myself I really do…

I love the person I have become!

I think I am pretty damn awesome!

Even I want to be more like ME! 🙂

What can I say, I am very comfortable in my own skin!

Guys seem to bond with me more than women,

I get on better with men and always have!

Why you ask?

shit6

Well… Because most women are bitches, that’s why!

You see me? I am NOT a bitch and that is why so many

BITCHES want to try to be-friend me…

I am loyal, kind, trust-worthy and honest and

I look after the people I love well…

But sometimes BITCHES take my kindness

for weakness! So I have to quote this:

“All these bitches wanna try and be my bestie,

so I take a left and leave em hanging like a testie!”

(I know, I know… I am just too cool)

Straight to the point, they know exactly where

they stand with me right away!

I am no fake BITCH

I must admit I am half taking the piss…

But I do kind of prefer men to women…

UNLESS the women are as cool as me!

They are out there but very few and far between!

This is my motto I found that pretty much sums me up:

Think like a man, Act like a lady, Sex like a porn-star and Work like a Boss!

I get asked this question now and again and I recently discovered

Just how EASY it is to answer people who know me very well and

STILL manage to shock them…

shit8

This question is often asked in jest by close friends and

family when I have just said something a little…

*OUTRAGEOUS*

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Do you know what I say?

“Lots of things actually… Thanks for asking and thanks

again for being so observant!”

Try this when someone asks you…

They don’t have a clue what to say back!

It is FUCKING hilarious!

Peace and quiet!

This is quite a personal post for a guest blog Rob…

(Sorry about that, what can I say!

You caught me on one of my best days!)

I am in a weird ranting mood, I had some sweets and I

believe the sugar has made me hyper, I never really

eat sweets, I am more a savoury person…

Hence NO FILLINGS in these pearly whites! 🙂

shit5

Well… They will be pearly…

When I give up smoking New Years Day!

(Check out my post The Hardest Goodbye)

http://vagendavixen.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/the-hardest-goodbye-i-will-never-forget-you/

Thanks again Rob for having me.

I hope I didn’t shock the SHIT out of anyone too much!

Ahh… You see what I did there?

I am just taking the piss out of myself,

I am just trying to prove a point!

So I hope I didn’t offend anyone…

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Rob, you’re amazing!

Thank you so much for the opportunity

and of course for following my blog!

I had so much fun writing this post!!!

Love always…

~Vagenda Vixen~

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27 thoughts on “SHIT

  1. Shannygirl

    My brother use to go into great detail about his shit’s when we were kids…lol… “It circled the toilet 3x.. I shit you not”….hahahaha… And believe it or not.. I was just talking to my hubby about shit the other day..lol

    Reply
        1. Vagenda Vixen

          Rob… Would you be my first guest blogger please? It’s only right I ask you first, plus the other day I didn’t sleep for 24 hours and I felt like a Zombie and at that thought, I thought of you!

          Reply
  2. Pingback: *WELCOME ROB… MY FIRST GUEST BLOGGER!* « Vagenda Vixen

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