Gum, Balloons, Bubbles. . . . Things That Can Burst

Well we have come to that time of the week were I introduce my guest celebrity blogger.  Coming straight from under my computer desk (hold on while I zip up) we have the lovely Fat Bottom Girl with a heart breaking tale of love, lust, and an a little bit of rude behavior.  BTW babe, thanks for that reach around earlier.  So on with the post.  Oh she said no pictures but I had to put one.  So this one’s for you!

♬ 'Fat Bottomed Girl' - Queen ♪l

♬ ‘Fat Bottomed Girl’ – Queen ♪l (Photo credit: ivo.spadone)

Gum, Balloons, Bubbles. . . . Things That Can Burst

Recently I came into possession of the phone number of an ex I haven’t seen in 25 yrs.  I debated for a couple of weeks about whether I was going to use it or not, but after urging from a friend, some reminiscing about him, and her telling me she thought he was my best boyfriend ever, I decided to text him.

I kept it simple, “Hey, best boyfriend ever (I didn’t really call him that, I am just using that in place of his name), this is Fat Bottom Girl. I got your number from our mutual acquaintance so-and-so”.  I then sent another text right after telling him I had just thought about him the other day, and how he used to be so nice by starting my car for me on cold mornings and scraping my windows.  Surprisingly enough, he did call me straight away and left me a voicemail because I was trying to send the second text while he was calling, and for some reason my phone didn’t even ring.  I tried to call him right back, but didn’t get an answer, so left a message.

I didn’t hear from him again that day, so the next day I worked up my courage (yes, I am a chicken shit when it comes to calling guys) and called him again.  He answered.  He was out Xmas shopping with his girlfriend (Dammit!  He’s got a fucking girlfriend!  This story could possibly have had a much better ending, but he’s got a girlfriend!  Just my fucking luck!)  He acted like talking was no big deal, and said the girlfriend isn’t the jealous type, so we chatted a bit about a couple of people we knew, and how I had gotten his number.  Needless to say I was shocked, and a little hurt, when he proceeded to tell me he had to think hard to remember who I was, and that basically he doesn’t remember much of anything that happened during our relationship.  WTF??  He didn’t even remember me letting the air out of his tires after he broke up with me, right before the ski trip I was supposed to go on with him!!  My apology for said crime was wasted!!

How dare he not remember me, or the time we shared??  I loved this guy (never told him that), and he bought me sapphire earrings for Xmas, after we’d only been dating a couple of weeks, and he doesn’t remember me??  He took me home and introduced me to his parents and his sister, and I met his friends, and golfed with his dad and almost made a hole in one, and he doesn’t remember me??  I remember what he said to me on New Year’s Eve when I showed up to his house dressed up for the party we were throwing, and I remember the name of his dog, and he doesn’t remember me??  I remember he was the first guy to ever give me oral sex, and we talked about doing it on the washing machine, and he doesn’t like onions, and he doesn’t remember me??

How is it possible that I remember all of these things and he supposedly remembers none of it?  How is it that I have filed this relationship, in my memory, under “good and fairly normal”, as opposed to the majority which are filed under “fucked up beyond what is sane or safe”, but it seems he has filed it under….well, he hasn’t filed it under shit, because he barely remembered who I was!!!

Are we talking about another case of Venus and Uranus here??  (Yes guys, I love you, but you know you can be total assholes, which is why I am referring to you as “Uranus” instead of “Mars”.)  Do men’s brains really work so much differently from women’s brains that we have the same experiences, see them in a totally different light, and remember totally different things about them?  Why do I remember all these particulars about our relationship?  Why do those things stand out to me?  Well, I know why the oral sex does, but other than that, what is the reason?

I admit I had it bad for this guy.  He and I “clicked”.  It worked from the very beginning, and we got along great.  I think the reason I remember so many things about him, is because he treated me really good.  My BFF pretty much hit it on the head when she said he was the best boyfriend I ever had.  He was nice to me, and he did nice things for me.  I can’t even remember the last time a guy did nice things for me “just because”.  He did them just because he liked me, and he wanted to do them.

Did it burst my bubble when he said it took him a couple of minutes to remember why my name seemed familiar?  Yeah, it did; fucking popped.  I don’t know whether having that bubble burst was a good thing or a bad thing.  All I know is that even though we shared space and time, and a bed, many years ago, we both remember it differently.  I think I shall choose to remember him as being the best boyfriend I ever had. . .so far.


15 thoughts on “Gum, Balloons, Bubbles. . . . Things That Can Burst

  1. ngenghou1962

    Indeed, men and women brains work differently,most women can remember their 1st love but most men can only remember their last woman, a woman could remember what a guy wear during their 1st date, but don’t ever expect a guy to remember such details about what she wears, the color of her skirts, etc, compared to men, women have a greater capacity to remember, that’s why I often tell people, don’t ever offend a woman, because she can remember you until the day she drops dead!

    1. Fat Bottom Girl

      Thanks so much!! I always find the things I do remember interesting. . . .like breaking a jar of spaghetti sauce on the way into his house one time when I was going to cook him supper. Weird, huh?

  2. saved in drafts

    Ha Ha wow! how awkward, its kind of burst my bubble too thinking about my exs because its true, you don’t really consider THEIR opinions, thoughts and memories of your past relationships do you? However thinking about it there have been a few times i have been (mildly) upset by my hubbys vague recollection of a really significant (or so i thought) event- so things must be really vague to the exs by now! what happens in 60 years time when hubby & I both give our grandkids completely different versions of events??
    ‘well grandma…grandpa said you were a total bitch so i dont know what planet you are on…’
    URANUS clearly!
    Great post!

    1. Fat Bottom Girl

      hahaha. . .thanks for reading!! Yes, it really is kind of an earth shaker when you find out what you felt was really important didn’t mean a damn thing to the other person. I guess this would explain some of the issues people have in relationships, huh? 🙂

  3. betunada

    huh. THAT’s deafeningly defnnittly be a cause for a burst! (& like a prior respondent commented: yeah, my wife remembers what whoever was wearing when, but i WOULD REMEMBER if they were wearing clothes, or not).

  4. Fat Bottom Girl

    Radar, thanks so much for giving me a guest posting!! And no, haters, he didn’t do it just because I did a little knee time under his desk. Or at least I don’t think so. . .maybe those sexual favors did work, because I got an award nom and a guest post in the same week. Score!! 🙂

  5. Pingback: Bursting Bubbles over at Seasons of Insanity « Fat Bottom Girl Said What

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