I Don’t Do It Like A Pornstar. Pornstars Do It Like Me.


SEX (Photo credit: je@n)

Todays topic is sex.  Unless your my ex, or some weirdo neo-christian (no I’m not talking about the regular christians who actually enjoy sex or the ones who pop out 15 kids all at once and don’t believe in birth control and say “God will decide”) we all need sex.  It’s a basic part of any relationship.  Most normal relationships can not survive without sex.  With that said sex has to be varied, spiced up.  If you get into the same ole thing for an hour every night it will become boring.  So I thought I would list a few different styles of sex.

Bedroom sex:  This is when you have others in the house, specifically children and want to be alone to get your groove on.  This is also the normal place to have sex since the majority of sex happens in the evening times when people are off work or in the morning just after waking up.

Kinky sex:  I really like this kind.  This is when you bring out the blindfold, cuffs, oils, and bedroom toys.  This is spicing up the sex life.  Adding variety.  Toys always make things better.

Freaky sex:  This is when you let your freak flag fly.  Have you tried S&M?  I know most people immediately think hardcore when they hear S&M but there is a such thing as softcore S&M.  Also, try the love swing sometime, a paddle, or a sibian.

Role Play sex:  This type of sex allows both you and your partner to come out of your comfort zones and act out your fantasies.  You can pretend to be anyone you want, do anything you want.  Be your neighbor, the secretary at work, a military guy, a biker, a prostitute, whatever.

Public sex:  This really is for the daring because you take the chance of not only being seen by others and having an audience which isn’t always a bad thing but you take a chance of being arrested.  This normally consists of sex on a balcony, sex in a changing room, or even sex at a park or in the office.

Multiple Partner sex:  This can consist of a 3-some, 4-some or couples swap, group sex or a gang bang.  I will say if you decide to have a 3-some or any of these really you have to be choosey of your partners.  Also if your partner is willing to have a 3-some with the same sex for you then you need to be willing to do the same for them.  Now back to the chosing your partner, you want to make sure you have someone who knows that it only happens when invited.  You don’t want someone who is going to be constantly asking when its going to happen again or worse e-mailing your significant other constantly asking them if they want to hook up on the side.  Trust me on this, it’s a little frustrating and angering.

Fuck Buddy sex:  This is when you have someone who is only around for sex.  You call them at any time of day or night and say “Hey get your ass over here I’m horny” and they show up, get you off, then leave.  This is always great when your single and you had a bad night picking up someone at the bar or didn’t have enough money for the prostitute on the corner by your apartment.

Couch sex:  This can be doable but is not as easy as they show in the pornos.  There is only so much space on a couch so you really only have 2 comfortable positions, her reverse cowgirl sitting on you while your sitting on the couch and her bent over the edge of the couch.

Shower sex:  The name says it all, sex while in the shower.  Again great in the movies and it can be doable but its not as easy as the actors and pornstars make it out to be.

Washer sex:  Yea tried it and it has never worked, I’d say this is more myth than anything.

Freefall sex:  This is when the guy is standing and holdiing the woman either upright with her legs and arms around him or in a 69.  Again only in the pornos.  The average guy isn’t that strong and doesn’t have invisible cables they can attach to the naked body of their partner to keep them from falling to the floor.

Obviously there are many, many other types out there but they go beyond my willingness to discuss on this forum LOL so I hope this was somewhat informative to everyone.  Now go out and have sex everyone!  Oh and one last thing, It would be inappropriate of me not to discuss safe sex. 

So unless you are purposely trying to have children or you can’t have children because of one of many different surgical procedures, be sure to always, ALWAYS, use the pull out method cause if you don’t pull out, you will mostly like be paying for that little bastard in 9 months for the rest of your life.

13 thoughts on “I Don’t Do It Like A Pornstar. Pornstars Do It Like Me.

  1. Fat Bottom Girl

    I am totally bummed that the washer sex doesn’t seem to work!! I had a boyfriend years ago that always wanted to try it, and we never did. Bummer. I have to admit I like me some outdoor sex. 🙂 Oh hell, I like pretty much anywhere!!!

  2. betunada

    agree with the washer. however, for the shower; search (or make) a “step-ladder” which takes into account the difference in, um, heighths. THAT werkt 4 us…
    (and glad you checkt my “narnia”. you should include “book report sex” next time! heh …)


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