My Next Career


Jobless (Photo credit: Grantuking)

Those who have been following me for awhile should already know this and if they don’t then I can only guess they are oblivious to everything around them considering I have mentioned it more then once.  Its my subtle way of hoping someone will say “Hey, send me your resume, I’ll see if I can’t help” though that has not happened yet.  Anyway, 14 Jan the contract I am on ends.  What does this mean for me?  I will be out of a job.  No income.  No way to pay my $1400 a month rent or buy groceries or buy my crown royal to cope with the fact that I’m a loser who has no job and can’t support his family.

Well I have been applying for jobs since last Dec, so a year now, on a weekly basis and have pretty much been turned down for everything.  Let me tell you, I have applied for pretty much everything under the sun.  Jobs, I’m qualified for, over-qualified for, under-qualified for, and not even close to being qualified for.  So I figured with a month left I have to come up with something to get some income.  So I fell back on my brainstorming skills I learned in the military and started coming up with ideas of ways to make money.  Below are those ideas.

Stripper:  Now I know for a fact strippers make damn good money and I have been working nights for a year and half already so I’m used to the hours.  I could be rolling in the dough with this job.  Move over Channing Tatum, Magic Mike has nothing on me.  I’ll blow you guys out of the water with my chiseled body, nice package, and amazing dance moves.

Singer:  Considering the fact that I sing to pretty much every single song that I hear, I’m a perfect candidate for this job.  I got the rock star lifestyle down anyway.  My wife is my #1 fan and ultimate groupie, I can drink anyone under the table and stay up partying for days.  Not to mention my amazing vocals.

Author:  Considering the fact that I have already been published twice, once for an article I wrote while in the Air Force and then just recently I self-published my Zombie Journals which are currently for sell for Kendle for just $2.99.  What better job then to sleep in, sit around on my ass all day, write when I get inspiration, drink some crown, eat, write some more, take a nap, get up and drink some more crown, watch some T.V., drink some more crown, write some more, take another nap, finish my novel and self publish and start all over the next week.

Sex Coach:  With the experience and uncanny abilities I have in the bedroom I would be a perfect candidate for this job as well.  I can teach in groups or individually, people who are, lets say, less experienced in the art of sex and need pointers and are looking to expand their knowledge on how to please their partner.  Explaining how to perform different acts, introducing them to sexual acts they may never have known existed, how to suppress their orgasm so they can last longer, and so on.  The best thing is I can charge whatever I want per hour.

Motivational Speaker:  My entire life, I have always been someone people have felt they could come to with their problems and get advice and comfort.  I have had people I didn’t know more than a day spill their most intimate secrets to me because they got some sort of feeling that I could help them in some way.  Sometimes people need someone who can be direct with them.  Someone to tell them they are being stupid and to stop thumbing their pussy and get over it.  I’m just that guy, I got the experience, the skills, and people already seek me out for it anyway, so why not get paid for it?

So there you have it, a few ideas that I know I could make big money doing come next month once I am jobless.  Now the question is which one do I choose?  Which one is going to be the most satisfying and make the most money?


27 thoughts on “My Next Career

  1. Fat Bottom Girl

    Hmmm. . .I would have to see how chiseled the pecs are, and what the abs look like before I could vote for stripper. Still, it seems like more than a couple of these options have something in common, and that is Crown!! Maybe after drinking all those bottles you could make something really cool out of those cute little purple bags and sell that shit on Etsy!! 🙂

  2. ramblingsfromamum

    Stop under-rating yourself!! Jaysus I mean really… 😉 Maybe you do a motivational talk whilst reading singing the words from your book about the joys of stripping and being a sex coach??
    No? Um err well ..hang in there mate – something will be just around the corner. It is pretty soul destroying continually looking and not getting anything..been there done that. Try and hold that head of yours up high 🙂

      1. ramblingsfromamum

        It can take a while before talent is recognised 🙂
        Seriously start each day in earnest as I’m sure you are. Get up in the morning – dress like you are going to work (believe a different mind-set works) chase down the adds, cold-call – anything, even volunteer work maybe..could lead to something..who knows. Good luck mate 🙂

  3. beliebinme

    Keep your head up, man. You must be under quite some pressure now. I think author sounds like the best solution right now. You never know, though. Something might pop up! Fingers crossed for you.
    P.S, loving the new theme 🙂

  4. betunada

    1 thangz fer shure: yer awph da wahl, dood! consistently. THAT (& a dollar?) certainly should amount/account for something…
    and de awph-da-wahl stuff seems, to me, to certify that if nothing else, you’re flexible. bound and re-boundable. open to the unknown whatever.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s