How To Be A Pervert 101

Perverted playing cards by Albicocca

Perverted playing cards by Albicocca (Photo credit: RSNY)

I know a lot of you out there have been thinking to your self, “How do I become a pervert?”  You have probably been desperately trying for months, maybe even years and you just can’t get it down.  For some reason or another no one thinks of you as one or has even once called you a pervert.  Well here are a few tips from the master.

Be a stalker.  You have to stalk someone, but there are certain things you have to do as a stalker to be considered a pervert.  You can’t just stalk them, break in their house, leave notes saying you two were meant for each other and that’s it.  No.  You have to stand outside their house with an expensive camera with a long lens taking photos of them.  Take photos of them undressing, having sex, masturbating, taking a shower.  Anything sexual.

Video the person you are stalking having sex.

Video yourself having sex.  You can have sex with a sex doll it doesn’t matter, I will explain why later.

Watch porn constantly, then talk about your favorite porn stars with your friends.

Take your homemade sex tape and edit it with the video you took of the person you stalk and over lay her over the sex doll or yourself over the person she was having sex with then leave a copy for her with a note about how they were the best ever.  Don’t forget to show all your friends too.

Turn every comment you can into something to do with sex.  It doesn’t matter if your kid said it.  Turn it into some kind of sexual joke whenever possible.  The more sexual jokes, comments, and innuendos the better.

Masturbate as often as possible.

Take pictures of your sexual organs and text them to everyone you want to entice with your goods.  Make sure you tell them you took it just for them.

Always try to pick up the drunkest, horniest person at the bar.  Don’t forget to make sexual jokes.

Talk about being Friends With Benefits with all potential partners.

Constantly talk with the person you want to have sex with about the different sexual things you would do to them.

Have posters of naked women on your bedroom walls.

Keep the raunchiest porn magazines available in bathroom for leisure reading.

Always leave several of your dirtiest, most raunchiest porno movies out for any woman you bring home to see.  This is so they know you watch them and can suggest the two of you watch them together while having sex.

Always suggest having a 3-some, group sex, oral sex, and anal sex.

Always insert some sort of sexual reference in every blog you post whenever possible.  This includes replying to comments to your posts as well.

Flirt with everyone you find physically or mentally attractive and can see yourself having sex with.

If you can accomplish these simple tasks you will be guaranteed to be labeled as a pervert.  That is my lesson on becoming a pervert.  Thank you for reading How To Be A Pervert 101

37 thoughts on “How To Be A Pervert 101

        1. radaronelson Post author

          Blow up dolls aren’t the same. They can’t respond with restraining orders and then eventually submit to your sexual wiles. I’m always a good person to stalk though. LOL

          Reply
  1. beliebinme

    LOL. Brilliant, yet again! I think I’m your new fan.
    But honestly, it’s quite scary how much of these I’ve done before. I think, it’s safe to say, that I am a pervert. Soon to be a pervert 101. Thank you for all the tips, I’m workin’ on it!

    Reply
  2. beliebinme

    “Turn every comment you can into something to do with sex. It doesn’t matter if your kid said it. Turn it into some kind of sexual joke whenever possible. The more sexual jokes, comments, and innuendos the better.”
    P.S I’m a pro, when it comes to that.

    Reply
        1. radaronelson Post author

          Tell them the devil made me do it. That should get me some time in a nice cell with soft walls and lots of really good drugs for a couple years till I’m cleared as sane.

          Reply
                1. radaronelson Post author

                  You are in my book. If you can have something to me by Friday that would be great. Just put it in a word document, put your pics where you want them so I know where to put them, then e-mail it to me along with the jpeg files to make uploading easier. My e-mail is radar_o_nelson@yahoo.com

                  Reply
                    1. radaronelson Post author

                      LOL. No length, no requirements. Do it as if it were one of your own blogs, it will just happen to be posted on my page that will be the only difference with me giving you full credit and a link to your page of course.

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