It’s A Man Thing

Freddy and the Men from Mars

Freddy and the Men from Mars (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My wife will often look at me or say something like she just doesn’t understand why I say or do the things I say or do.  Though I try to explain unless your a guy your truly not going to understand 100 percent, but we try to explain it anyway which is what I’m going to do now.

First off, I believe one of the biggest issues women just don’t understand about guys is when we adjust ourselves.  Now I’m not talking about changing how you are sitting in a chair or anything like that I’m talking about grabbing your crotch, Max, Big Willy, whatever you call it and re-adjust it to a different position.  We often get looks when we do this and if done in front of a female other than our significant other we get accused of make some sort of sexual reference because they don’t want to admit they enjoyed watching us grab ourselves.  Well, in reality, the big boy has just decided he was going to move around and got stuck in a position that has become uncomfortable.   My wife will ask me “got a problem?” well yea I do, it’s not comfortable having my slong hanging halfway down my leg.  So guess what?  I’m moving that puppy back up.  Ladies think of it this way, you know how your boobs get uncomfortable in your bra and you gotta move em around now and then?  Same thing.

Next thing we hear quite often is “He never listens to me” or “”He always ignores me”, well I’m here to tell you that is simply not true.  We do listen to you, we aren’t ignoring you, and we hear every word you say.  Now hold on before you go all Terminator on me about if it wasn’t true then why don’t we answer or respond?  Well let me tell you the truth behind it all.  It’s circumstances and environment.  Your talking at the wrong time.  There are certain queues you need to look for before speaking to a guy.  First queue:  Is he watching sports?  Is he watching a movie?  Is he watching his favorite T.V. show?  Is he watching Porn? (now this one you can get away with, if you join him because then he is going to hope that it will lead to sex while watching the porn.  Second queue:  Is he eating?  Third queue:  Is he trying to sleep?  Fourth queue:  Is he on the phone?  Fifth queue:  Is it a loaded question?  If you can pick up on any one of these queues then you will know right off the bat you are not going to get a response to anything you say.  The reason being is even though males are highly adept in multi-tasking and have actually made it an art form; when one of these queues are happening our multi-tasking is limited to certain things and talking is not one of them.  If you want to talk while the T.V. is on then wait for a commercial unless it is a beer commercial.   As I stated earlier you can get away with it with porn being on if you give him the impression that it will lead to sex or at least you providing oral sex.

If he is eating, his mouth and stomach are tied together and until he has gotten to a point in his meal where that umbilical can be severed he is unable to speak.  The phone:  I think this is obvious, it’s hard to talk to two people at once unless they are all a part of the same conversation.  Is he sleeping?  Well again pretty obvious, hard to respond to you if we are asleep and just like you, we don’t want to be woken up to hear about Mary’s boyfriend dumping her because she wouldn’t swallow.  To respond to your next comment about sleeping, no ladies unlike you we don’t fake it.  Then there is the loaded question.  You will not get a response with these mainly just out of fear.  We know by the question that no matter what we say it will be the wrong response so we have learned over time, which is why we are higher than the ape, that sometimes it’s better to nod and keep doing something else then to speak.

Finally, you may be saying, “He always falls asleep after sex, he never cuddles” well there is a medical explanation for this.  During sex there is a transfer of blood from the brain and throughout the body to the penis which makes it grow so large and why some women have a hard time getting it all the way in their mouth.  Well during sex, we are physically exerting ourselves and you actually burn more calories during sex then you do 30 minutes of exercise.  Well once a man has his orgasm, the blood begins to rush back to the rest of the body, this is why the penis’ size goes down.  Well that sudden rush of blood back to the body and to the head/brain causes a sudden dizziness and causes the man to pass out, going into a semi-coma.  Once the body evens back out a couple hours later he will awaken and be ready to snuggle or even have sex again unless he is hungry.

Obviously there are more but those, I believe are the biggies.  Hopefully this helps to better explain things and you women out there will less likely be inclined to get upset about not getting a response now that you have been made aware of why this happens.

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “It’s A Man Thing

  1. Fat Bottom Girl

    The only thing I’m having a hard time believing is that your schlong hangs halfway down your leg! hahaha The rest I can believe, because I think men tend to be pretty simple creatures—it’s either boobs, beef, or beer—not necessarily in that order, and not all at once, because you guys suck at multi-tasking. 🙂

    Reply
    1. radaronelson Post author

      Oh it’s true and we are great a multi-tasking…..certain things. Boobs, beef, and beer are three things I can very easily do at the same time. Wait did I say do? I should probably rephrase to multi-task…hahaha.

      Reply
  2. Jean

    When Bubba readjusts, I like to ask him, “Is it still there?” But then when he catches me readjusting, I tell him, “They’re still there!” He likes that I don’t hold him to double standards.

    Funny you should bring up the talking thing. I looked over at Bubba on the couch. Checked the t.v. Yup. Commercial. Checked the content. Medical. Hmmmm . . . Viagra? Nope. Only then did I talk. No response. I asked him if he heard me. No response. I asked him if he was sleeping with his eyes open. No response.

    It was weird. I think he was thinking, but then again you never know what’s going on in there.

    The cuddle thing. I know if I cuddle I’m going fall asleep there. That sounds nice but when I fall asleep, I will start to snore. If I snore in a cuddle position, I will get the elbow. I HATE the elbow. I would rather fall asleep and stay asleep. So a nice pat on the head and praises for a job well done and I roll over to my side of the bed.

    I’m telling ya, I’m the perfect woman.

    Reply
  3. radaronelson Post author

    LMFAO…….yes I would say if he didn’t answer at that point then he was deep in thought about some philosophical question about the universe. My wife falls asleep when we cuddle too though she doesn’t snore. I don’t pat her on the head though unless she accidently uses teeth, I normally pat her on the ass after we are done, not to be confused with the spanking on the ass during.

    Reply
          1. journeyman1977

            hey, it’s good to go…I can handle it all. Just that these ones I’ve read so far get the prize for having made me laugh out loud today, rare occurrence. Not bad for ex-airforce 😉 didn’t know you guys had this great a sense of humor 🙂

            Reply
      1. Shannygirl

        Okay.. what I said earlier was something like this… As for adjusting yourself.. we understand what your saying. We know discomfort.. trust me.. (try having a 7lb baby beating the shit out of your bladder and ribs from the inside).. what we don’t understand is why you must do this in public. We have to adjust our boobs all the time, but you don’t see us do it.. (at least not as often.. there are some women who just don’t care what they look like). We do it in the stalls in the bathrooms, behind racks of clothes in the stores.. we try to be discreet. You grabbing your crotch and jiggling your meat and potatoes around in public in full view is just a little disrespectful. There’s no need to do it for all to see! As for it hanging down your leg… now there’s a Christmas wish for me!
        With your long lists of things a woman can’t and can do to make sure your “listening” when we asks you a question just solidifies the fact that men in deed cannot multi task. It’s not possible for you all to do that. It’s okay, we understand and frankly feel superior to you because we can, with ease. How many times have I asked you something but you’ve gotten flustered and told me to wait til you finish whatever it is your working on at that moment???? A least a hundred… at the very least.
        As for the falling asleep after sex.. hey.. go for it.. I wanna sleep too.. just don’t start snoring until after I’ve crashed dammit!

        Reply
        1. radaronelson Post author

          Well it’s a little more difficult walking around when your balls are being pinched and your dick is squished. As for the Christmas wish, why do you need it for a Christmas wish when you have it every day? As for working on stuff again at the end of the post I said there were others but what I posted I felt were the biggies. That would fall into the others category.

          Reply
      1. beliebinme

        Ah, right! That’s so awesome. I can’t imagine getting my fiance to blog. Ah, I’ll never stop trying though. It’s a wife’s job to be annoying, right? I can just start early 😉

        Reply

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s