I’m one of those people who quite often have nothing on my mind. I can literally just sit and my mind will be blank. Unlike my wife who’s brain goes nonstop like a nymphomaniac schizophrenic (of course I mean that with the deepest of love). She will often times say she just doesn’t understand how I can look like I have something on my mind and I say I have absolutely nothing. She also likes to say “Silence is Deafening”, in otherwords she doesn’t like the quiet. Me on the other hand I love it quiet. Did I say you could talk right now? “SILENCE! I KILL YOU!” (Thank you Jeff Dunham)
Anyway, I made you read all of that just to say I wanted to write a blog tonight but couldn’t think of one damn thing to write about. My mind was blank. When something did pop in my head about every 7 seconds it was stuff like titties, sex, vaginas, sex, blowjobs, orgasms, German Chocolate Cake, Cherries, titties, and sex. So needless to say I couldn’t think of anything to write about. Then like that huge orgasm that sneaks up on you and slams your head into the wall and has you screaming in ecstacy it came to me. I’ll write about nothing. Just write. Write whatever comes to me. As it pops in my head I’ll type it. Yes I’m walking a thin line here. I know it can be dangerous but hey I’m a rebel. Danger is my other middle name.
Now those spaces between paragraphs, thats my mind going blank again. It happens. Sometimes I can just write and other times I need inspiration. Sometimes I get inspiration and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes my wife feels like a nut and sometimes I give it to her. She likes to say I’m weird but I’m not, it’s just an elaborate ficade I put on, I’m really quite normal by crazy standards.
See, another blank moment there. Anyway, back on topic. Wait did I have a topic? I don’t think so or maybe I did?!? Yea I did, it was to talk about nothing. So here’s a question for everyone, how do you help a loved one understand they are not the source of your depression or guilt? Is it possible to live in a depressed state and not hurt the ones you love? I’d sure like to know if so. If you have read my earlier blogs you would know I have said I am considered clinicly depressed. Unfortunately it is interferring with me taking care of some physical issues that I have which I found out today is impeeding on the ones I love and making them suffer as well which I never wanted to do. So now I have to figure out how to make myself see the doctors to try and figure out these physical problems like my knees, and my neurological problems and deal with my depression while not hurting my loved ones.
I’m really having a hard time concentrating tonight. I can’t think long enough to form anything to think about. I have school work due tonight for my business class but I can’t keep my brain focussed. I have to write up what I’m going to say to the judge Monday during my child support case to try and get it lowered but I can’t concentrate long enough to type anything up. Yea yea, I know I know, I am writing this blog aren’t I? “SILENCE! I KILL YOU!”
I miss having friends. I miss being off every weekend. I miss having the opportunity to invite my friends over and party all night blasting the music, taking everyones keys who don’t have a DD (That’s designated driver not cup size) and making them crash at the house and just living it up till 6 or 7 in the morning. Yea yea, I know I know, your probably saying yet again, how can you miss it if you never did it? Well I miss what I never had. Now that I can, I still can’t. I live in a shitty 3-bedroom apartment “In the ghetto” (Sing that with an Elvis voice, I do) with no room for that or parking for people and frankly if I were them I wouldn’t want to park in my neighborhood anyway. Not to mention I don’t have the money to even throw such a party. Maybe one day when I can afford my own house and I can bribe my wife with some mind blowing sex. Speaking of mind blowing sex, OMG I love having sex with my wife. Granted it’s not as often as either of us would like because I work such fucked up hours, and always 12 hr rotating mid shifts and I’m a night owl and she’s a dove. Still, when we do, she rocks my world every time. It always ends with me covered in sweat, breathing like I ran 30 miles and totally drained of all energy. Now I’m sure being out of shape doesn’t help but I give a lot of the credit to her. She’s done things to me I didn’t even know I could fantasize about. Anyway moving on.
You know my wife, is hot. She is damn hot and she get’s hit on all the time. Now if men weren’t such fucking pigs and were polite about it and then backed off when she said “Sorry I’m married” I’d be cool with it but they don’t they basically say fuck your husband I’d still tap that ass and become as crude as humanly possible. Now this really pisses me off. Of course I do bow up even if someone looks at her but I’m not mad I’m just saying nonverbally “Hey buddy, one look and your done. Don’t think about anything else cause it ain’t happening.” I will say though I’m jealous. I’ll admit it. I have never been hit on in 6 months as much as she gets in one week. WTF. I don’t know, I guess Jealousy is an evil bitch sometimes. I like being seen with her, I like being able to have that look like “That’s right. This Sexy Ass Woman is with me so while I’m at home having sex with her, doing things a porn star wouldn’t do, you’ll just be at home jerking off THINKING about having sex with her” but still what’s wrong with my looks? Oh well. I guess I’ll never know.
Okay sorry another blank mind moment there. Yes I’m rambling, got a problem? Take a Valium. Well I guess that’s it for now. I know I wasn’t my normal funny, dirty-minded self this post but hopefully later I can come up with something more structured for everyone.
Thanks for letting me (to quote Led Zepplin) Ramble On.