I Spy A Cheating Spouse

I must be getting old. I didn't know there wer...

I must be getting old. I didn’t know there were still freak lines like this out there. (Photo credit: Malingering)

This is a conversation I have had with my spouse more than once.  If you see your friends spouse having lunch or dinner or at a bar doesn’t matter with another person and they give the appearance that they are intimate with each other, say tongues down each others throats, groping each other, having sex in public, etc and they are making it pretty clear your friends spouse is cheating, would you tell your friend?  Would you take pictures as photo evidence to back up what your say?

There are several factors to consider here before answering this question.  First is the moral factor.  Is it morally right for you to express what you saw, which by the way you could have taken the wrong way and it may not have actually been what you think you saw.  Then there is the fact that, is it really your business and your place to say somthing?  Also, should you say something to your friend that is obviously going to upset them and quite possibly destroy them emotionally and possibly even cause their divorce?

Then, what if they ask you to help spy and gather evidence to confront their spouse?  Would you help?  You did bring it up so you are obligated to in a way.  If it weren’t for you they may have never known or at the very least would have found out on their own.

Now lets flip the coin.  If you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you say something to their spouse or would you keep it to yourself?

Me personally, I would say something to my friend.  I would say exactly what I saw and how it appeared to me and let them decide how they wish to proceed from there.  I would not offer any advice because it would be bias at that point based on what I saw.  If it were my spouse, you damn right I would want to be told immediately and I would handle it myself after that.  Now if it were my friend doing the cheating, I would talk to him about it but I would not go to his spouse unless I am also good friends with his spouse then I would say something to her.  I believe you have to look out for your friends best interest or your not really a friend.

So what would you do?  Would you tell your friend what you saw their spouse doing or would you keep it to yourself? And Part II would you tell your friends spouse what your friend is doing or would you stick by your friend and either just talk to your friend about it or not say anything at all?


7 thoughts on “I Spy A Cheating Spouse

  1. cookinwithmrswhite

    My husband and I have several couple friends and we are equally friends with each of them. In each case, I would confront the suspected cheater to confirm what I saw was really what I saw and then leave it up to them to tell their spouse, but also let them know that I am not going to keep their secret and if asked or needed, I would share what I saw and I would definitely tell my husband and ask for his advice.

    1. radaronelson Post author

      I can definitely go along with that. Confronting the cheater is definitely an option. What if they deny it and say you misinterpreted what you say which will most likely be there response, then what? Do you stand by what you think you saw, because it could have been an innocent lunch date, an innocent kiss goodbye or hello and nothing more or conceed and let it go?

      1. cookinwithmrswhite

        Well most often when in a situation like that, they are doing something they wouldn’t want their spouse to do or something they wouldn’t want their spouse to know about, so in confronting them, if you make mention of their spouse knowing about the “incident” and they get all squeemish or tell you not to say anything, that is a direct admission of guilt and there’s no real way to talk your way out of that one.

  2. Shannygirl

    Not my business… I don’t want people putting me in a corner with (either you tell or I will) so I’m not going to do that to anyone. I may make comments to my friends to plant a seed.. but I’ve learned that when you tell them.. the anger goes on you. I’ve had a knife pulled on me because I told… never again… My business is my business… your business is yours.

  3. Pingback: 7 Reasons Why You May Want to Spy If You Suspect Your Spouse is Cheating! « AFFAIRCARE

  4. Kitt Crescendo

    I think it depends on how close you are to your friend. I would probably confront the cheater as said above. If the person is extremely close to me, I’d also wind up telling my friend if the cheater doesn’t do it themselves. I would never want for my friend to feel I betrayed our friendship through silence…and I know I’d want to know.


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