Well it’s October. My birthday will be here next week, I still haven’t found a new job and this contract will be up at the end of the year, I got a year and a half to go before I’ll have my bachelors, I still live in the ghetto and can’t get out, I have to pay my ex so much she takes home more than I do with what I pay and she gets from her own full time job. Aside from the obvious factors, kids and a wife who loves me, things aren’t looking great for hitting 40. I had imagined my life at a different point when I got to this age. It’s difficult at times, especially since I have been diagnosed with depression, to sit and look at any good when all the crap is sitting right in front of me.
I wanted so much more for myself, I planned so much more for my wife when I remarried. Instead I have been forced by life, an ex, a broken child support enforcement system, and more importantly my own bad decisions and wrong choices to break promises, put things off, and keep my family struggling day to day. I will stay positive though, I still hang on to the fact that I wanted so much more at this point. My fingers are slipping but I’m still hanging on. I have to believe after 6 years, it has to get better soon. Something has to change for the better. If i don’t who is going to tell my wife and step kids everything will work out, everything is going to be okay? They need support too.
So as difficult as it is for me at times, I will continue to hope for a better future for us, those things we need to change will and things will be made right after so many terrible wrongs. I only hope to be proven right for doing so and not proven wrong.