Sometimes There Are Exceptions To The Rules

In my previous post I talked about turning the other cheek.  I also talked about defending yourself and others.  Now there are times when turning the other cheek is not an option.  That is what this post is about.  To talk about those times.  Warning:  The subject matter in this post may be graphic and unsettling.  It talks of the different types of abuse and photos of abuse.  If you can not handle seeing photos or reading about such pain and atrocities then read no further.

Now I know for a fact that a lot of times, if a person is in a situation where they are being abused and they fight back, the individual normally increases their abuse as a way to show their dominance, make them pay, and try to show them not to do that again.  I will say if anyone is in this situation, get help.  There are plenty of organizations out there that can help you get away from this individual or these individuals.  Churches, police, fire department, hospitals, domestic violence organizations, etc.  But once you do you have to follow through, you have to be willing to stand up and testify against that person.  If you get out then back down and not press charges or not say they did it, they will get away with it and chances are come back after you and pull you right back into their web and this time, you may not make it out alive.  Now this blog really isn’t about that but about the exception to the rule about turning the other cheek.  This is my opinion only and I am sure plenty of therapist and other professionals will probably disagree with me but  I have told every single one of my daughters, if a man/boy ever tries to do any type of physical harm to them they are to do what ever they can to defend themselves.  Grab a pan, a knife, whatever is close to them and stop them from hitting them or abusing them.  If they are being sexually assaulted by a boy/man/girl/woman they are to do the same thing.

Assault/abuse is unacceptable behavior and every woman or man should do whatever it takes to defend themselves from being abused and assaulted.  Me personally I hate abusers.  It doesn’t matter if they are physical, sexual, emotional abusers against women, men, or children.  Too often they force their will on others and get away with it.  Their victims then have to live with this for the rest of their lives, some get over it, some don’t.  I personally was never abused by my parents but I have been abused a couple times.  I am not yet prepared to talk about when and how but just know I have been so I know the pain, the guilt, the nightmares, and the embarrassment.  Was it as bad as what some people go through, to me no it wasn’t but it was abuse none the less.

There are different types of abuse against women and men as well as children commonly referred to as child abuse.  I’ll discuss them here to give everyone a better awareness of them.  First Child Abuse which is the physical, sexual or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children.  In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Department for Children And Families (DCF) define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child.  Child abuse can occur in a child’s home, or in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with.  There are four major categories of child abuse:  neglect, physical abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, and child sexual abuse.

Victims of childhood abuse, it is claimed, also suffer from different types of physical health problems later in life. Some reportedly suffer from some type of chronic head, abdominal, pelvic, or muscular pain with no identifiable reason.  Even though the majority of childhood abuse victims know or believe that their abuse is, or can be, the cause of different health problems in their adult life, for the great majority their abuse was not directly associated with those problems, indicating that sufferers were most likely diagnosed with other possible causes for their health problems, instead of their childhood abuse.

The effects of child abuse vary, depending on the type of abuse.  A 2006 study found that childhood emotional and sexual abuse were strongly related to adult depressive symptoms, while exposure to verbal abuse and witnessing of domestic violence  had a moderately strong association, and physical abuse a moderate one.  For depression, experiencing more than two kinds of abuse exerted synergetically stronger symptoms.  Sexual abuse was particularly deleterious in its intrafamilial form, for symptoms of depression, abxuety, dissociation, and limbic irritability.  Childhood verbal abuse had a stronger association with anger-hostility than any other type of abuse studied, and was second only to emotional abuse in its relationship with dissociative symptoms.

Next is physical abuse which is an act of another party involving contact intended to cause feelings of physical pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm.

Then there is sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, which is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another.  When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault.  The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or molester.  The term also covers any behavior by any adult towards a child to stimulate either the adult or child sexually.  When the victim is younger than the age of consent, it is referred to as child sexual abuse.

There are many types of sexual abuse, including:

Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior (rape and sexual assault).

Unwanted touching, either of a child or an adult.

Sexual kissing, fondling, exposure of genitalia, and voyeurism, exhibitionism and up to sexual assault.

Exposing a child to pornography.

Saying sexually suggestive statements towards a child (child molestation).

Also applies to non-consensual verbal sexual demands towards an adult.

The use of a position of trust to compel otherwise unwanted sexual activity without physical force (or can lead to attempted rape or sexual assault).

Incest (also sexual deviancy).

Certain forms of sexual harassment.

One last thing to remember spousal sexual abuse is a form of domestic violence.  When the abuse involves forced sex, it may constitute rape upon the other spouse, depending on the jurisdiction, and may also constitute an assault.

Finally there is Emotional Abuse.  This is the most common form of abuse, yet the most least talked about.  Mostly because it is easy for people to overlook because so much of what is considered normal and acceptable forms of communications is really abuse.  Emotional abuse is a series of repeated incidents, whether intentional or not, that insults, threatens, isolates, degrades, humiliates, and/or controls another person.  It may include a pattern of one or more of the following:  insults, criticisms, aggressive demands or expectations, threats, rejections, neglect, blame, emotional manipulation and control, isolation, punishment, terrorizing, ignoring, or teasing.  It is unclear whether males or females are more emotionally abusive, however, it seems that girls/women are more likely to use abuse to gain control and power, while boys/men are more likely to use physical intimidation, aggression, and violence.  Emotional abuse cuts to the core of a person, leaving them feeling fearful, insignificant, unworthy, untrusting, emotionally needy, undeserving and unlovable, and as if they were bad, deserving of punishment and to blame.

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7 thoughts on “Sometimes There Are Exceptions To The Rules

  1. Shannygirl

    to me, emotional abuse and verbal abuse have far outweighed the physical and sexual. Bruises heal, wounds heal and yeah, I have scars where there was once a wound, the scar does not hurt. However, the emotional and verbal forever live in my head making it impossible for me to love myself or think I’m worthy of anything good in this life.

    Reply
  2. wickedasilem

    I have endured every form of abuse you could imagine. You never get over the abuse from someone who at one time confessed their love for you. I will never get over the sexual abuse I went through, no matter how many years have passed. There are still Triggers out there. It is ALWAYS in my mind… I would never wish it on anyone… BUT like I always say, what doesn’t Kill you makes you one hell of a stronger Bitch! 😉

    Reply
  3. DaPoet

    Unfortunately we live in a society that condemns the abuse of women and children yet not only considers men disposable but condones their being abused by looking the other way – ignoring female on male violence – laughing at and joking about men being abused – mutilated and murdered.

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Belittling kids as harmful as beating, study finds | Not Your Mama's Rag

  5. Kitt Crescendo

    The sad truth is that 30 to 60% of women will experience some sort of abuse in their lifetime. I’m not sure about men because the statistics are grossly inaccurate due to the lack of reporting that often happens when males are abused. With those kinds of odds, you shouldn’t be surprised when I say I, too, have been abused…granted mine happened in childhood. No one ever fully gets over something like that…but as said above..it does make you stronger. I just wish more of the male friends I know who’ve experienced abuse would report it….but I get it. It’s just sad. I also agree with your sweetie…the physical and sexual stuff…it heals…it’s the mental stuff that stays with you and haunts you.

    I firmly believe there is a special place in hell for people who abuse other people.

    Reply

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