Don’t Be Stupid. Invent Something Smart.

Our world is a world full of inventions.  That is how we progress in knowledge and expand our abilities.  But sometimes those inventions should have just been left a thought in someone’s head.

Our first invention is the Telephone Dumbell.  In today’s society, people spend more and more of their days and nights at work which leaves less time to exercise.  The telephone dumbell now allows you to work out while at work.  Okay now there’s a few problems with this picture.  For one, you would only be working one arm, you’d walk around with one skinny arm and one muscular arm like some freak.  The other issue is your not really working out.  Your picking up the telephone with the dumbell attached, holding it while you talk then putting it down when done and not picking it up again till the phone rings again.  Really all you did was make your phone 5 lbs heavier.

Okay, seriously?  The Toilet Roll Hat?  Who in the hell is going to walk around in public with a roll of toilet paper on top of their head?  I can’t even comment on this one it’s so rediculous.

I can’t even imagine how lazy this person was that instead of pressing Ctr Alt Del with his hands he invented a stick to do it.  Especially if you look at the screen of his computer you can see his operating system is Windows 95.  Home PCs hadn’t been around that long to become that lazy.

Forget about plowing your car into something without knowing if it was a living person or not.  This invention uses sensors in the car’s bumper and engine hood which in theory can decide “with a high reliability” if what you hit was a pedestrian!  It also considers changes in acceleration and if the brakes were used prior to impact.   Sounds like a pretty smart invention.  This way you can make a better informed decision whether to flee the scene of the accident or not.  Just a hint though, maybe modify it so it prevented the collision instead.  I think that would make it a little more useful.  Right now all it does is keep a score of how many vehicular manslaughters you have committed with the car.

Have you ever worn eyeglasses and thought to yourself, “Man these really hurt behind my ears!”  Well this invention is for you.  For those who don’t know “temples” are the little arms on eyeglasses that go behind your ears to hold them on your face.  According to the inventor they “cause discomfort to the wearer…and can even cause permanent creases in the wearer’s head.”  So instead of going to the optometrist to get them adjusted why not go the extra mile with this invention.

Now, looking at the illustration, apparently this requires you to surgically remove your ears and insert into your head magnetic rings.  I don’t know about everyone else, but that seems a little excessive to me.  But looking closer, it turns out the system works by sticking adhesive magnets to the sides of your head.  In a way, that might be worse than surgically removing your own ears.

Are you in to voyourism?  Well this toilet is for you.  The pay toilet is something required in every civilized city.  When you pay for access, the timer starts ticking.  After 15 minutes they automatically open their doors and exposes you, in more or less awkward situations, to everyone walking by.  15 minutes is reasonable, but you never know when it just isn’t long enough.

I know there are thousands more just as stupid, I just can’t mention them all.

A nuclear reactor controlled by a computer running on Windows XP

Night vision goggles with U.V. protection (are we serious?)

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