Is It Enough?

Is it enough?  That’s my question.  Has what I have done with my life, the things I have accomplished been enough to make my spouse, my parents, and my children proud of me?  As we are growing up I have found that most of what I did or most people do is done in hopes that our parents will be proud of us.  Then as we get older and married we hope to make our spouse proud of our accomplishments, not only as a person, but as a husband and later as a father.  Then when children come along things shift and you find your doing things in hopes that in the end your children are proud of you. 

I was always a good student in school when it came to my grades.  I joined the Air Force shortly after high school.  I even retired from the Air Force after 20 years of service.  I have traveled around the world, seen a lot of places, I served during 3 wars, 2 in Iraq and 1 in Afganistan.  I even deployed to war after 9-11 for 6 months to fight the war on terror.  I have had many hobbies, movies and music being a constant, card collecting, while living in Alaska backpacking was my main focus I took the kids backpacking pretty much all over the state.  Hiking is another.  Painting and drawing was something I was good at as a teenager.  Now I journal, do this blog, working to finish my bachelor’s degree, and I’m trying to write a book.  While in the Air Force I have won more awards then I can count.  But since then I have fought a hard battle with my ex who continually tries to get more and more money out of me.  I have a wife and 2 step children I have to care for but I can’t give them everything they deserve or I want because of the money situation with my ex.  After retirement I was out of a job for 6 months which put me behind in everything leaving me to play catch up.  I live in ghetto apartments.  I can’t do all the things for my kids, step kids, or my wife that I want because of my ex. 

So I ask, is it enough?  Is it enough, despite what I have accomplished, with the problems I’m dealing with now, to make my parents proud, to make my wife proud, to make my kids and step kids proud?  I don’t know.  How can they be proud of me when I’m not proud of myself because of where I’m at today, the struggles I have to deal with and can’t seem to fix or get rid of.  How can those who i want to be proud of me and my accomplishments be so, when I’m not proud of myself.  Just a thought I had.  Something on my mind.  I hope they are and if not that someday they will be.  I can say I am proud of those who I want to be proud of me, I just hope they feel the same and one day I can be proud of myself.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Is It Enough?

  1. Shannygirl

    I am proud of you baby.. and your accomplishments. It’s not your fault your so called “Christian” woman ex wife is a lying kniving money hungry hate filled determined to ruin your life, mine and my kids is doing what she is.

    Reply
  2. DaPoet

    Like most men your allowing your self worth to be determined by the approval or disapproval of others and unfortunately any man in your circumstances could never do enough to earn that approval. So stop trying – sit down take a deep breath – determine for yourself the man you want to be – then be that man and to hell with anyone else who disapproves.

    Reply
  3. Kitt Crescendo

    Remember, it’s not what you can give a person monitarily that denotes whether or not you’re a good person or parent. Plenty of affluent people who are asshat parents out there. It’s all about the love and time spent with them that truly matter to a child. I should know…my dad didn’t give me any of that.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s