Surviving Your Ex – How Do You Do It?


Have you ever been divorced?  Ever been in what seems like an eternal battle for your soul with your ex?  It’s been going on 6 years since I first asked for a divorce and 4 1/2 from the day it was actually finalized and I can tell you I have felt like this from the first day I moved out.  I have had to endure being called a bad father for the sole reason because I wanted a divorce and no other.  I have been told she would rather I never see or talk to the kids again, again only because I asked for a divorce, not because I was a bad parent or husband because up until the day I asked for a divorce she had no issues.  Then comes the child support, spousal support, and half my military retirement.  I will tell you now if you can avoid it DON’T get divorced in Virginia.  The percentages they take from your check are outrageous.  From day one she has gotten a minimum of half of my pay with the stipulation it could NOT be increased if I got an increase in pay.  Now the fun begins, I retire.  I’m out of a job for 6 months.  I can’t pay anything.  My wife has to sell her jewelry just so we can eat.  I finally find a job and in Aug I find back in June while I was unemployed she decided to take our case to the Child Support Enforcement Office to which up until this point I had been paying her direct per her request during the divorce.  Now this is where everything get’s fucked up. 


For the past year I had only been paying child support for my two youngest children because my oldest was 18 and graduated from high school, per the agreement.  Now child support enforcement says, no no no, your divorce paper doesn’t say per child so you still have to pay the original amount until the last child is out.  Okay I’m throwing the bullshit flag.  So I request the amount be reviewed and she be dropped.  They drop her and raise my child support, so now I’m paying $1044.00 for 2 children instead of the $636 I was supposed to be paying.  How does it go up for 2 kids and be more than what I was paying for 3?  Again bullshit flag.  Oh wait she’s claiming she is covering them for medical and I have to pay her over $400 a month to cover that.  How is that you say when the paperwork specifically states that it is I who will cover the children’s medical and dental and I who get’s the medical credit?  Because she is the mother and is claiming it so they automatically give it to her and for me to get it changed I have to go to court and have the judge change it.  Now why is this?  Because the child support enforcement office doesn’t care about the father in these matters.  All the rules are set up to protect and help the mother.  It is a bias system.  I paid faithfully for 4 years never behind until I was jobless now all of a sudden I’m getting fucked and I’m not liking it.  So for 6 months since I had my job I had been making payments again and all of a sudden I got over $2000.00 being automatically taken from my paychecks a month.  Again, bullshit flag. 

I call back and I ask “What is in place to protect me because so far I have been nothing but screwed since they took over.”  their answer “We are child support enforcement” OKAY I know who you are I called your stupid ass.  I ask again “What is in place to protect me?”  their answer “We are child support enforcement”  “Yes I know who you are but I was not notified you would do this AND there was no cause to, I had been making my payments” I said.  “We don’t have to notify you”  “So I ask again what is in place to protect me from getting screwed like I have been?  What happens when I call you next month from my car because we have no place to live because I couldn’t pay my rent” their response “We are child support enforcement.”  “So what your telling me is there is nothing in place to protect the father, all you care about is the mother and getting as much money out of the father as you can even if it means he and his wife and step children are living out of a car and have no money for food.  Great system you got there.”  “BTW I was told in Jan I would have a court date and I have heard nothing and this is March.”  “Sir your court date is in July”  “Really and you were going to tell me when?  So that means I have to pay out my ass and live on the street until I can get a judge to overturn this in July?”  “Sorry sir”  “Goodbye”

I’m sorry, I know there are a lot of bad fathers out there, ones who don’t call their kids, don’t pay child support, they don’t even visit their kids when they should, they have no contact at all but that does not mean they should take away ALL protection for fathers out of the system because of them.  So you tell me, how do I survive my ex?  I have become clinically depressed.  I have to get a referral from my insurance company so I can find a therapist to deal with all this crap.  I live in ghetto apartments that my stepson doesn’t even what to go outside and play for fear of getting beat up.  I have no way to save to get out because all my money goes to her now and what doesn’t barely covers bills and food.  Now I’m supposed to save money for an attorney for July.  I’m going down hill and it’s because I’m losing the fight.  I’m not surviving, I’m slowly dying.  So I ask again……How do I survive my ex?



5 thoughts on “Surviving Your Ex – How Do You Do It?

  1. shanson3871

    You forgot to let them know she filed for “food stamps” throwing this into the courts when we had the kids and I was selling my jewelry to feed them. And then lying and saying she did it to be able to feed the kids..who again were with us at the time! I’m so glad she’s a “Godly Woman”…lying b!

    Now saying that.. I’m sorry they are doing this to you and I’m sorry I haven’t been more supportive of you. I’m dealing with my own demons over this and it’s been extremely hard for me to be the best wife I can be. Just know that I love you and you will survive this.

  2. Kitt Crescendo

    Wow. That truly sucks! I’m grateful I’ve never been divorced and that I don’t have children impacted by the battle. My dad paid a total of $318 for all 3 of us kids…which was barely enough for the groceries…and his never got raised. We could’ve used more…but my mom was also too proud to ask for more. We found a way to make it work. Oddly enough, even though my dad was a poor father, my mom never allowed us to say a bad word against him. Her logic was regardless of what happened between them, he was still our father. Sucks that your ex was a vindictive B.


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