I Don’t Mean To Be Rude And Interrupt, But You Should Have Bought My Wife’s Paintings Instead

Two Hearts One Swing

Since my loving, sexy, tantalizing, amazing, gorgeous, talented, creative wife had to quit her job for health reasons, she has been filling her time with painting.  So aside from being an amazing writer and having her own blog and published one of her own stories and working on a novel, she is an amazing artist (pron: Ar-Teest).    Her blog is as follows:  https://shanson3871.wordpress.com/

Well, to follow up on the painting, she paints on canvas with acrylics and does just an amazing job.  In the process of posting them on facebook people began to ask her to buy them.  So after selling a couple I convinced her to sell them on-line.  So now her paintings are out for the world to buy.  I encourage you to check them out and see if there is one or more that you fall in love with and must have.  The link to view and purchase them is https://www.etsy.com/shop/Shanpagnes

I hope you enjoy her paintings just as much as I do.  Enjoy.

What’s This Life For?

Image

Yes, yes, I know, it’s been a very long time since I have written anything.  There are many reasons for this, life, work, other projects, not in the mood just to name a few but tonight while sitting here at work I felt the need to write.  I really don’t know as I write this what this will shape out to be about but I want to write about something so I’m just going to let the words flow from my brain, through my fingers, to the keyboard onto here.

We have been having a really rough time as of late, my wife had to quit her job and file for disability so she could focus on her health.  This means one less paycheck.  She has had a very rough time this past 4 years and it has had an effect on everyone.  I do my best to help her, motivate her, keep positive, and strong for her but sometimes I don’t think I’m doing enough.  She has started painting in her off time and is now selling those paintings on etsy.com if anyone would like to take a look.  https://www.etsy.com/shop/Shanpagnes?ref=l2-shopheader-name

She is very talented and I believe it is very therapeutic for her.  I’m very proud of her and her work.  It provides something for her that I cannot.  We are getting by, slowly paying of debts one by one but that is not enough.  We have been doing this for the past 6 years.  There comes a time when enough is enough and you just need a break, something to go your way and not have something to swing around and knock you back down.  I love my wife very much.  I would do anything for her.  I may not vent my anger all the time or get pessimistic when things go bad, or throw my hands in the air and say fuck it but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about our situation or my wife and how she feels.  It just means I have to be strong, be positive, and be that person who is there to encourage her so she can keep looking forward even if on the inside sometimes I don’t see it myself.

I myself have just wanted to give it all up lately.  I’ve had medical problems myself for years.  Some 6 years, some longer than that.  They may not be the same issues as my wife but they are no less devastating and tiring to deal with.  There are days you just want to give up.  I try to do things on my own in hopes these problems may be getting better so I can go to her and say I think there is hope instead of asking her for help and finding out the negative and ending up frustrated all over again but it never works.  I am flirting with high cholesterol now and high sugars.  I had another blood test done and they want another appointment with me which isn’t good.  Mostly likely this means something didn’t go down and just another medicine for me to go on.  I have been exercising my ass off too.  I have changed my diet.  I’m eating smaller portions, healthy snacks, drinking more water, this week, I even cut down from drinking alcohol every night to limiting it to only 3 nights a week.  Yet, here I am, not losing weight and the Dr. wants to see me again.

My youngest daughter from my first marriage doesn’t want to visit anymore.  I can never get a hold of her on the phone when I call.  She’s either with friends, working, or church.  I leave messages to call me back and no call.  This I think is probably more painful than anything, even anything I may endure with my PTSD.  My step kids hate me.  They think I am mean and don’t love them when everything I do is out of love.  All I want is for them to learn to show respect not just for me but for anyone they encounter.  Follow rules, do what they are told when they are told not when they get around to it, no matter how small what they were told to do is; and to want more out of life then what someone else can give them but what they can get themselves through hard work and dedication because those are the things they can be most proud of.

Life.  What can I say; life sucks.  I’m ready for it to be over with.  I’m 42 years old and never owned my own home.  I live in an apartment.  I have no savings, even though I have been paying off debts each month for the past several months I still have a lot left to pay.  I have no legacy to leave my children or my wife.  Nothing I have accomplished in life is worth anything.  When I am gone, no one will remember me.  I won’t be talked about in the history books.  I won’t be mentioned on the news.  No song’s will be sang of my heroic deeds.  Shit, most people don’t even know most of what I have done other than vague references by me because it’s to painful or lurid to describe.  I’ll be a fleeting thought with my family before I’m even forgotten by them.  I was born no one and will die no one.

My wife deserves so much better than me.  She could have been better off when she left her husband, if I hadn’t gotten in the way, even if it would have only been for a few years.  She at least would now be living a better life and taken care of.  My children deserve a better father than me.  My step children deserve a better step father.  My parents deserve a better son.  My sisters deserve a better brother, which is evident by the fact one has cut off all contact with me the past 2 years with no reason why and I rarely hear from the others.  If my Grandmother (mom’s mom) was still alive I would have to say I would probably be a huge disappointment to her as well.  If I could say fuck you and good bye to life right now I would.  But I know I can’t.  So I’ll just pick myself up.  I’ll put on my happy face, find my positive attitude, lift myself up, tell myself it will be okay and everything will work out and things will start to get better, and go back to being the optimist I’m known for being.  This is my pessimist moment and I guess I’m done.  Sorry to bring everyone down and hopefully I’ll be back on here more with more uplifting, sexually perverted posts that I have been known for in my past.

The Zombie Bees Are Here

Zombie Bees

Well it’s finally happened.  The Zombie Bees are here and they are now starting to invade the east coast of the U.S.  First there were the Zombie Ants which I’m pretty sure I have already blogged about in the past now this.  I’m telling you the zombie virus is pressing hard to make an explosive takeover and when it does it won’t be pretty.

The zombie bee was first seen in 2008 and then in Nov of last year was spotted in a bee keepers hive in Vermont.  What happens is a fly called Apocephalus borealis attaches itself to the bee and injects its eggs, which grow inside the bee.  Scientists believe it causes neurological damage resulting in erratic, jerky movement and night activity, “like a zombie,”

It is said that it would be a “game changer” if these flies could hatch from dead bees and complete their life cycle inside the hive.  it would be another nail in the coffin for honeybees in the northern hemisphere”  Personally I don’t see this as a bad thing, I don’t like bees they are demons and should be exterminated anyway but this is just another example in a long line of examples that the zombie apocalypse is upon us.

Please Help Save a Life

radaronelson:

She is a close friend of my wife and me. Thank you

Originally posted on Shanpagne's World:

http://www.gofundme.com/kickcancerwithnikki

 

My very best friend in the world has recently been diagnosed with Colon Cancer.  She is just such a wonderful person and she doesn’t deserve this.  She is already a two time survivor of Cancer and now she’s been hit again.  Why?  She’s amazing, and loving and she does so much for others.  She doesn’t smoke, she tries to healthy, she exercises and she honestly truly loves life.  She is a single mother of 3 wonderful kids and she is doing it all on her own.  For me she is the perfect example of what a true Christian should be.  Her faith is never wavering, her love of God shines through.  She doesn’t judge others and she doesn’t go around telling people that what they believe or do or how they live their lives is wrong because they don’t believe like she does.  Forgiving is a great word…

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I Won’t Leave You Tonight

I Won’t Leave You Tonight

By Robert M. Nelson II

 

I’d walk straight through the depths of Hell

Fires so hot my skin will melt

Fall ten stories from the sky

Then take a knife to both my eyes

 

I use this mirror as my guide

To face the demons that are inside

Let the worms eat away my brain

Until they say I’ve gone insane

Then tear the flesh from my bones

I’d do this all so you will know

 

I’m not leaving you tonight

You’re all I want in my life

I’ll endure every pain of every kind

Just to show I won’t leave you tonight

 

Endure the heat of seven suns

Swallow acid for you my love

So you will know with all my might

I’m not leaving you tonight

 

I’m not leaving you tonight

You’re all I want in my life

I’ll endure every pain of every kind

Just to show I won’t leave you tonight

 

Is It Time To Give Up?

Held On

I’ve been fighting a battle for several years now, my wife for even longer.  Sometimes you want to give up and other times you don’t.  It’s difficult when you try so hard to help someone to make the right choices but instead they don’t listen to your wisdom, your experience, basically don’t want your help.  We all, have this need to be there for our loved ones, to support them, to shield them from the failures you know will come from making the wrong choices.  When the person your trying to help continues to refuse to listen, you find yourself asking, “Is it time to give up?”

Well I’ve asked this question more than once and everytime my heart has said no.  But I believe we all hit a point when you can do no more until they ask you.  So I ask again “Is it time to give up?”  Well I still believe the answer is no.  What I have realized though, that sometimes, you can’t keep the one your trying to help from failing.  That being there for them is why they can’t succeed.  I think there comes a time where you have to stop helping.  Your not giving up, your just letting them do it themselves.  There comes a time when that loved one has to fail, on their own, in order to learn how to succeed.  If your not there to catch them, eventually they will learn they can’t do it themselves, and if your lucky, will realize they need your help after all.  You have to fail in order to learn how to succeed.

No one goes through life making all the right choices, never getting it wrong.  We all fall short sometimes, we all make the wrong choices on occasion.  What is important is that moment when we realize what the right choices are.  Sometimes it takes a failure to show us how to succeed.  Some, it takes many.  I believe that time has come, to let that loved one make their own choices, even though I know they won’t always make the right ones.  If that loved one fails enough without us being their safety net, eventually they will see the road to success and hopefully realize we were only trying to help all along and just maybe make the choice on their own for our help.  I believe it is that time for us to drop the safety net, never give up hope, and let this person make their own choices, even if they are the wrong ones.  Let this person know you will always be there to help if they ask for it but your not going to catch them when they fall until they do ask for that help.  I think after enough falls, this person will finally see how to stand up, learn the right choices to make to succeed and that you can’t always do it alone, that they can ask for help.

Fail

It Was Time To Trade Up

PT Cruiser

Back in 2010 I bought a used 2005 PT Cruiser Convertable.  Despite all the problems I had with this car, I still really liked it, especially driving during the summer with the top down.  This was my first convertable I ever had and it was awesome.  Like I said though it had a lot of problems and I sunk a lot of money into it.  Between 2010 and 29 Dec 2013, I had 18 flat tires (every little pot hole would give it flats), I replaced 3 rims ($154 each), had to get the AC fixed, replace the turbo, replace the catalitic converter, have the headlights cleaned cause they constantly fogged up, and it still had a proble with the windshield washers.  While driving back from taking my kids back to Florida, I was driving through South Carolina in the rain.  I was doing 10mph under the speed limit, driving on the inside passing lane down I95 when I hit a puddle of water and it hydroplaned into the ditch.  Problem here is the grass and mud made it bolt like a rocket.  Nothing I did would make it stop and I hit the rebarb fencing in the middle of the ditch.  I lost the front bumber, dented the front corner panel making opening the car door difficult, busted out the drivers side head light, and who knows what internal damage was done.  It cost me $275 just to get towed out of the ditch and a ticket for not driving at the appropriate speed for the weather (even though I was doing under the limit).  The cop said if you couldn’t break before going in the ditch then he had to ticket me (BS!  I was hydroplaning!!!)

So the insurance company took my car and on 3 Jan 2014 said it was considered totaled.  I had 2 days of rental which they paid but not all.  I still had $75 I had to pay, $53 for the two days and $25 for the insurance coverage.  I had a $500 deductable which after subtracting, what the insurance was paying out was still less than what was owed on the car.  Thankfully I had GAP insurance and that covers the rest.

So Saturday, 4 Jan 2014, we went to the dealership to find a new car.  Which we did, with only about $320 down we were able to get a 2012 White Dodge Avenger.  I have to say this is a sweet car.  It’s easy driving, good on gas, looks great, and I can actually see the road with non-fogged headlights.  It does get pushed around with the wind a little which I found out tonight driving to work in 30mph winds but it was still easy to handle.  I will miss my drop-top but hopefully some day in the future I’ll be able to afford a new convertable of some kind.  Below is a picture of what the new car looks like.  Lets hope this one has less problems then the last car did.

Dodge Avenger